A FISH BIGGER THAN A MOUNTAIN

by Dan Price

A good story should be embellished. Trust me… that’s how a mid-level story transforms into a good story in the first place. Make the fish you caught a little bigger. The jump shot you took goes from the 3-point line with two minutes left to a one-handed half-court throw with seconds on the clock, leading the home team to victory. And, like in every pet story, the dog or cat in question is always, without a doubt, “the cutest thing you’ve ever seen”.

Oh, and make that fish just a wee bit bigger. With fangs. Thanks!

Embellishment brings interest to the mundane, humor to the morose, and fancy to the plain. Exaggeration, along with similes, metaphors, buzzwords, and the occasional minor expletive timed so perfectly that a pious relative who hasn’t cracked a smile in 30 years will chuckle, delicately braided in with the Who, What, When, Where, Why… Now, that’s a story!

Some might feel that embellishment is just adding spice to the meal. A little razzle-dazzle to get the verbal party started!

A more analytical mind may call embellishment out as straight-up lying. As a writer, may I say, these folks lack imagination. We’ll get back to the liars and big boasters in a moment.

When spinning a barroom yarn, or spinning yarn in a chatty knitting circle, your poise, tone, and diction will fill the room with anticipation. And as you are telling this tale of action/humor/intrigue/deceit, you feel all eyes on you. People are listening with bated breath. What’s going to happen next? Will this story of the fender bender you had last weekend be a downer, or will there be a giant explosion, like in a Michael Bay movie? The decisions you make while relaying a story can grab your reader/listener by the face and command their attention. Or they can stop reading, stop listening, and ignore you completely, making the story all for naught. Your choice. Choose wisely.

It’s not bad to make a story entertaining. If we do a Dragnet while recanting a fable and pull an “All we want are the facts, ma'am”, that story is going to be as interesting as a Joe Friday in his off hours; chain smoking cigarettes (watch the show, he smoked in almost every scene), clipping coupons and interrogating his cat.

I like to think of a story like a gumbo. A mélange of meat, sausage and shellfish, the vegetable holy trinity (celery, onions and bell pepper), and of course…. Seasonings! That’s right! Give me that flavor! Flavor in a story is the mood, the vibe, that holds the anecdote together.

Whether comedy, tragedy, or somewhere in between, you must have the right seasoning to make the story hit the reader/listeners palette just right. Jalapenos when you need that spice, sugar when you need that sweet. You’re picking up what I am putting down.

The challenge is that not everyone can tell a story. Picture it: Your neighbor is gabbing on about installing his own aluminum siding, when you start to notice your eye twitching and a nice dollop of drool is forming on the side of your mouth. This could be a trifle bit embarrassing. How do you recover? You don’t! It’s the storyteller’s fault.

Telling a story is a responsibility not to be taken lightly, and hyperbole is a weapon in the war of words. Make the story big and bold, yet believable. You can always spot the person who is just making things up. Most people who outright lie (we’ll call these sweet creatures Big Boasters) in a story rather than ‘turn the volume up’ on a real situation are doing it for their own ego to make themselves look good. A good storyteller doesn’t need to look good, but write/tell a great story that holds a crowd, keeps the eye on the page, and leaves your audience wanting more.

Don’t get me wrong, there is no reason to self-deprecate all over the tale. Yes, let yourself look like a million bucks. But please spare us your stories of using martial arts on some street toughs at Baskin Robbins or that time you met Matthew McConaughey at a random party in Plano, and y’all drank tequila together all night long. I promise you, we all know that didn’t happen. Stop talking now.

My point: there is a fine line between a “jaunty tale steeped with exaggerated whimsy” and “absolute hogwash”. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Let me wish you well in your future in storytelling and writing. Remember, while you are telling a story so that story can make folks smile and entertain, please cherish the stories you hear in return. Everyone has a story that is all their own. Listen closely. You might learn something.