ARE YOU A CAREGIVER STRUGGLING WITH COMPASSION FATIGUE?

By Lynn Pendergrass, LBSW, MA, LPC

As a licensed professional counselor and social worker, I've had the privilege of meeting some truly amazing, loving, and selfless individuals. People who would go to the ends of the earth to care for those they love. Over the past 30 years, I've sat with hundreds of people, tired, exhausted, and often in tears, yet unwavering in their determination to care for their loved ones, at great personal cost to their mind, body, soul, and spirit.

Does that sound familiar? If you’re reading this, I imagine it might.

For over three decades, I’ve worked with adults navigating healthcare crises, life transitions, emotionally difficult decisions, and the overwhelming physical, mental, and even spiritual exhaustion that can come from caregiving. Whether it’s for a child, spouse, parent, grandparent, or friend, this experience has a name: Compassion Fatigue.

According to Wikipedia, compassion fatigue is a form of traumatic stress caused by prolonged exposure to others’ trauma, sometimes called secondary traumatic stress. In simple terms, it's the cost of caring.

Common symptoms include:

• Trouble concentrating.

• Feeling helpless or numb

• Irritability or anger

• Withdrawal and exhaustion

• Reduced empathy

• Lack of personal satisfaction

Reading that list, you might think, "Wow, that sounds like someone who desperately needs a break!" And if you've been there, or you're there right now, you're probably nodding in agreement.

Many caregivers believe they must sacrifice themselves for the sake of others. But, I want you to hear this clearly:

The best thing you can do for your loved ones is to care for yourself.

That’s where the importance of resilience comes in.

Webster defines resilient as "the ability of something to return to its original size and shape after being compressed or deformed or the ability to recover from or adjust easily to adversity or change."

A simple way to understand this is through the analogy of a car battery: it powers the car for a long time… until it doesn't. When the battery is drained, the car won't run. Like the car battery, at some point, no matter how much you want to keep going, you need to recharge!

So, how do you recharge?

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. But a critical piece is self-care. You might be thinking: “Self-care? What’s that? I don’t have time for that!” But it is essential. Caregivers must be open to accepting help, seeking support, and exploring resources that can ease their burden. Too often, caregivers lose their role in the relationship. I remind clients: you are also a spouse, a son, a daughter, not just a caregiver.

What is self-care? This is when you make your own physical, mental, and spiritual well-being a priority in your life. Most of us immediately think, "But that is being selfish". However, loving and caring for yourself is the best gift you can give to someone you are caring for.

Putting my needs before others. I know this is much easier said than done, isn't it? A new mother normally puts her baby's needs before hers and eventually may get run down and exhausted. She may have support from family and friends come in and care for the baby so she can get a nap, take a shower, brush her hair, and get renewed. Just doing basic daily hygiene tasks can make a new mother feel energized. Being a caregiver to an adult is no different. Sometimes caregiving can progressively get more involved over time, leading to physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. But there are ways to build resilience and avoid burnout and be able to visit, laugh, love, and focus on the relationship again.

If this speaks to you, I invite you to join me on September 4th at 2:00 PM at The Spot, where I’ll be leading a conversation about Caregiver Compassion Fatigue & Resiliency. We’ll dive deeper into how to balance your caregiving responsibilities while also taking care of yourself.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a quick recharge tip. I learned this from training with Dr. Ron Mottern of the Texas Health and Human Services' Behavioral Health Department. Something small, but powerful that you can start using today.

Charge your battery 2 minutes a day:

1) Write down 3 things you are grateful for

2) Journal about a positive experience you had in the last 24 hours

3) Practice mindfulness/meditation

4) Send a letter, card, text, or positive email to someone

5) Exercise for 10 minutes